The Lost Art of the Hashtag

Everyday I go onto Twitter, every 2 minutes actually and I see hashtags everywhere. Ladies and gentlemen, use the pound sign correctly for the love of god. I've seen things hashtagged that I can't even read. If it takes me more than 5 seconds to read the hash then clearly it shouldn't be tagged. I can't tell you the amount of time I have wasted trying to make out what a hashtag says. I feel one of the main rules of a hashtag should be that it should be limited to 1 or 2 words tops! It shouldn't be #wowthegirlisohotijustcanttakeitanymore. Those types of hashtags give me an absolute headache. I'm not a huge fan of getting trending topics going. I mean heres how I look at it, why should I hashtag something when I myself only have 103 followers? Nobody cares about my topics so a hashtag is used rarely in one of my tweets.

Fellow tweeters, let's not abuse or pound the daylights out of the meaning of the hashtag. (no pun intended)


EXHIBIT A:

#icantwaitforthese3weekstobeover

Give Houston a Chance

If it were up to me, the National Championship game would be between Houston and LSU, only if LSU beats Georgia. If LSU loses to Georgia, then 'Bama should play Houston. Let's face it, Houston will go undefeated pending they beat Southern Mississippi this weekend and will probably only end up in the Rose Bowl where they are projected to play Michigan. They'd trounce Michigan. Case Keenum may be the best quarterback to ever play college football and we don't pay attention to him because he plays for Houston and not the big time cheating schools like LSU and 'Bama (it'll come out). The kid throws for about 450 yards a game. If he played for Alabama, he'd win every game by 40 points with that defense 'Bama has. The BCS is a sick joke. It's not fun watching when an SEC team is guaranteed to be in the National Championship even though they could go .500. We got to stop worshipping the SEC. Yeah, good conference but it's time to start paying attention to the Houstons and the Boise States of the game. Time for a change BCS.

Seinfeldism of the Day: Urination in the Shower

It's probably one of the oldest questions in the history of mankind. Is peeing in the shower completely acceptable? Well George here runs into a little bit of an issue. Let him solve it for you. Truthfully, it's an absolute no when it comes to peeing in the shower. It's just not cool, it's nasty and really putting your feet in an interesting situation.

Twitter Makes Governor Cry

I love America and it is with a heavy heart that I say, we have lost our swagger and have lost our base. Recently all it took was an 18-year old from Kansas to Tweet about how her governor is horrific. She said that she actually made these statements to Governor Brownback's face, when really she didn't.

The tweet:
"Just made mean comments at gov. brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot,"


First of all, phenomenal use of the hashtag. Straight to the point, doesn't try and incorporate a theme or tie the entire tweet together. That's the type of thing that can get trending. A girl could talk about an ex-boyfriend and somebody could talk about how Lebron chokes away games in the 4th quarter. Anyway, the stalkers in the governor's office searched the Tweets and responded demanding an apology from the girl. She said hell no. What are we 6 years old? What do you want your mommy? Are your feelings hurt governor? Clearly, this girl doesn't like you and you can't take it can you? To be a politician you have to be thick skinned and you my friend have wax paper for skin. Well now this 18-year old girl has over 9,000 followers so moral of the story, bash your governor on Twitter and you'll have more followers than all your friends combined. 

52 seconds, 18 year old > Governor

Kelly Clarkson is Hot...End o' Story

Everytime I say Kelly Clarkson is an absolute dime, I get looked at like I have 20 heads. Clarkson is a whole lotta woman and there is nothing wrong with that. Is she bigger? Yeah she is, but she's not Queen Latifah big. I've literally had the hots for this woman since she murked the competition on American Idol. She caught my eye and I don't care if I'm happily married in 10 years, if she comes knockin' you can bet your behind that I'm runnin' with her.

What a cast of characters, we got Kelly manning the wheel and Chris Berman co-piloting...great combination. 

Middle School Team Cleans House

I don't get what all the fuss is about. So what, a middle school team from Kentucky routed a neighboring middle school by 98 points in a recent basketball matchup. Final score: 100-2. As far as I'm concerned, if you can't drop more than 2 points in a game, just drop the basketball program. No child wants to go out there and lose by 98 points and then have to go to school the next day and explain why they suck horribly. Save the kids from humiliation. I blame the school for even letting those kids go out there and play. However, the super-independent for the power house winning school district wants to cancel the team's season because of "lack of sportsmanship." Lack of sportsmanship? If you have a lesser opponent, you have to kick them while their down. A lack of sportsmanship would have been to stop scoring, which would have completely disrespected the game of basketball. Beating a team by 98 points is how you do it. The team that scored 2 points, they should try and take their "talents" to chess club.





This is bad sportsmanship and on Thanksgiving of all holidays...

Does Anybody Miss the NBA?

I got to be honest, I don't miss the NBA all that much right now simply because the Celtics were going to absolutely be horrific. I don't miss Lebron putting up 40 points in the first 2 minutes of the game, then laying an egg the rest of the quarters. If the Celtics were favored to win it all then I'd absolutely be furious, but they would've finished as a 6, 7 or 8 seed played the Heat or Bulls and gotten thrashed just like they did last season. But the sport that is loving the whole no NBA thing is the NHL. People in America need to start following the NHL more and more. Hockey isn't only a Canadian sport. The only reason why people think that is because America has made it that way. In my area, there aren't enough hockey fans. Hey New York, the Rangers are looking good this year. I mean, the Bs are putting up 20 goals a game and will take the Cup again this year, but people should start jumping on team's bandwagons and following them. Yeah you have college basketball and that's awesome, but in January when the NCAA gets a little slow, why not turn on a little puck? It's the NHL baby.

Lee Corso Killin' It Baby

I loved it. Corso is the man. Such a passionate man and you just gotta love it. I have no problem with this at all. He got caught up in the moment and let it all out. I love the guy. The reaction of everyone around him is priceless too. Immediately everybody just lost it and broke down laughing. Then seeing Corso with the Cougar headpiece on just puts the icing on the cake. Corso is the man. I'd have a beer with this man any day. What a guy. No need for an apology Lee, it was alright in my book.

This is Exactly Why an Underwear Brand Should Stay Out of Sports...

Now I don't even like Michigan or Michigan State. But if I was a Michigan State fan, I'd be furious at what some knucklehead at Victoria's Secret did. Yeah, seems like a sweet shirt for a chick and it'd look good on a her, but combining Michigan and Michigan State into one shirt is ridiculously dumb. How did the genius designing this shirt think that "Hail to the Victors" is a Michigan State phrase? Hey Gompers...it's not. That phrase was coined by the Wolverines, not the Spartans. Just stop Victoria's Secret. Yeah, you're models are  legit and stuff but stay out of the whole sports scene. You obviously are out of your league and can't handle it. Pathetic. This is the kind of mess up that puts companies out of business.

Thanksgiving: Greatest Holiday?

Is there truly a better holiday than Thanksgiving? Mass amounts of food, football on all day and drinking wine with the family. Doesn't get better than that. I mean nobody really knows the history of Thanksgiving and how it all came about but honestly, who the heck cares? I'm sure it didn't involve some pigskin, wine and random family chatter. And it certainly did not contain the Wednesday night rage that happens when everybody is back in town from college. Literally, the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving is an absolute gem of a night. Every just goes absolutely nuts and rages. Nobody has anywhere to be because it's family time the next day. So, everybody is in their homes and when that clock strikes 9, it's time to rage face. You would think that the Turkey Trot at 815 am the next morning would prevent any sort of binge drinking, but it doesn't. The Turkey Trot takes a backseat to raging with the broskis. Game on boys. It's Turkey Day...let's rage it.

Best Commercials of All-Time

4. "The Clown:" E-Trade
Here's our baby again. Completely relatable commercial. Who actually likes clowns? Nobody. There are absolutely pointless in society. Leave it to our E-Trade Baby to just set the record straight. See he's not like one of those annoying babies that cries when they see something scary, he just straight tells it how it is. Later clown.

America Has Gone Insane

This has got to be a joke. How is Tom Brady vs Mark Sanchez an intriguing matchup? It isn't even close. Maybe Tom Brady vs. the Jets defense is intriguing but honestly, Mark Sanchez??? What is this country on? How is Brady v Sanchez more intriguing than Dalton and Big Ben? Dalton a rookie stud against a 2 time Super Bowl champ. If Sanchez outplays Brady this Sunday night, I will retire from blogging for the rest of my life. It won't happen. It doesn't happen. Even with a horrible defense like the Pats, Sanchez won't break 200 yards passing. That's that. Enough of everyone ripping the Pats. We are an elite team, with an elite quarterback with rings. Stop this tomfoolery America, you're better than that.

Seinfeldism of the Day: The Effects of Smoking

This is why I don't like when chicks smoke. Nothing more painful than seeing a babe smoking a cig. Shot to the heart.

Enough With This Joe Paterno Jargon

Stop rioting in the streets PSU, the man deserved to be fired. Unlike the Occupy Wall Street protests, these student riots stood for something but for a twisted something (but atleast they have a cause). But are the students really trying to protect a man who turned his back on a young boys getting molested and raped. Paterno let it happen. He tried to remain blind to the situation and it caught up to him. Think about the victims, the young children who had to experience such pain at the hands of one of Paterno's staff members Jerry Sandusky. These children now older and in their late 20's, are trying to go on with their lives and forget that pain. Protesting the firing of man who did nothing to help these young boys at the time is sick and criminal. Paterno is out and news flash, he hasn't been coaching for about 15 years. The man did nothing. All he did was stroll up and down the sidelines racking up wins that had nothing to do with him. Paterno's legacy will forever be tarnished and he will be remembered for his poor judgement more so than his winning "coaching" career. 

This is bigger than football guys, it's a crime and Paterno deserved what he received. 

Thanks For the Memories Pap, But It Was Time to Go

It was time for him to go. Today, Jonathan Papelbon signed a 4-year contract with the Phillies. What seems to get lost in the sauce is that Papelbon blew that game against the Orioles to knock us out of postseason play. As a closer, Papelbon was a "thrill a minute." Sure, he'd rack up decent numbers and have a respectable amount of saves, he still did this through loading the bases with nobody out or giving up runs but managing to sneak out. Listen, there was nothing more intimidating than that stare and the 95 mph heat that he threw. Just straight ched. But I don't blame him for leaving. The Sox clubhouse is a mess, and he certainly is not going to be the last to go. Other big names like cough Ellsbury cough will go. Pretty soon it's going to be just Crawford and Gonzalez being the big names on this team. Youkillis is being shopped and I wouldn't be shocked to see him in another uniform next spring. But if it's one thing I am looking forward to, it's that I won't have to see John Lackey pitch a game next season for us. Between the Pats and the Sox offseason, I'm just settling in for the ride. Hold on.

Best Commercials of All-Time

5. "Taco Party": AT&T
Saw this one for the first time in a while. Just a classic mix up and the faces are priceless. But not to get lost in the sauce, how creepy is Eric actually? Yeah, it says it in the commercial but they picked the perfect guy for that role. It's that whole grey hair weird eyes combination going on there.

PS: Who has ever gotten a text message that looks like that?

Seinfeldism of the Day: The Infamous Question

What are you? We all know what Kramer likes.

Chicken Pox Lollipops

Is anything innocent these days? What happened to the days where a lollipop was easily the most innocent thing in a world and was the dream treat of a child. Well, now some schemers out there in "who knows where" America are sending out lollipops to kids to lick in order to become immune to the chicken pox. The lollipop licked by an infected child is sought to be a way to prevent taking the vaccine. This is rubbish. I'm appalled at this story. Now a child and parent are going to be scarred every time their own kid wants a lollipop. Somehow our society has created a way to link the chicken pox virus to a Tootsie Roll Pop. I mean honestly what are we going to think of next. "Eat this bag of sour patch and you won't get a girl pregnant." Just stop this malarkey for crying out loud.

Straight Through the Heart

This one hurts. Real bad. I'm talking really really bad. To have Eli Manning go up to Foxboro after claiming he was elite and then outplaying Brady just makes me gag. I'm sick to my stomach. I want to make so many excuses but I legitimately can't do it. I have too much respect for the game of football to do that. But honestly, this whole Eli leading a drive to beat the Patriots at the end of games is really getting old. I mean, I've watched Brady do it to other teams time after time but it's not supposed to happen to me. I root for the New England Patriots, they aren't supposed to lose to Eli Manning? Sure 2007 happened but was that just a fluke? Apparently not. I don't want to think that this is decline of Brady and the boys but the thought is creeping inside the old noggin. I need my old Patriots back. Where did they go? I was used to waking up on Sundays, watching the game and being able to relax by half time because we were already up 24 points. I guess this is what it feels like to be a fan of the Redskins or the Rams or the Jets for that matter. A touchdown used to just warrant a fist pump because it was just another day at the office. Now a touchdown seems hard to come by with an offense that should score on every possession.






This cheered me up though...

"Ahh don't hurt me."

Again, Rex Shows His Fetish for Not Only Feet, But for the Patriots As Well...

Rex has another fetish, and they don't hang outside of a car window and you don't massage them. Rex not only loves feet, but he has an absolute obsession with the Patriots. He can't get through one press conference without mentioning us. Its either we play them in 10 weeks or about how much him and Tom Brady are alike. But now in this upcoming Adam Sandler movie, Rex is cast as a Patriots fan. Really Rex? Can you just get over us already? It's like we are the boyfriend and you are that annoying ex-girlfriend that just keeps hounding us and hounding us until we block your number, delete you on Facebook and unfollow you on Twitter. Rex if you were a true competitor, you would never put on the Patriots colors. Just lost even more respect for the man. Sandler says Rex nails the part. That's not shocking because he talks about and thinks about the Patriots ever chance he gets. Pathetic Rex, pathetic.




IT WAS F-E-E-T FEET FEET FEET! BUT NOW IT'S P-A-T-S PATS PATS PATS!

Pats, Giants This Weekend...Let's Take a Trip Down Memory Road

Eli was down. He was in the grasp. He was down. Game over right there. Pats go 19-0.

Thanks Ellis, nice coverage. Did Eli even have a clue where that ball was going?




Then again, we are playing the Giants...and this is what they do.

Amanda Seyfried Needs to be My Wife

Saw the movie in time and I have to say despite it being just an okay movie, Amanda Seyfried can be described in one word. Stunning. This woman, chick, dime is unreal looking. I wouldn't call her hot but she would be by far the best wife. Everything from her eyes to the way she utters syllables, this woman is gorgeous. She's adventurous in this movie, doesn't care what happens to her and is just looking to just go ham every second she gets. She plays the whole hard to get thing and is good at it. Usually when girls play that strategy it's a strikeout for me but again I'm not Justin Timberlake who lands this beauty in this movie. When someone told me she was Karen in Mean Girls, I legit could not believe it. She has matured and my god I'm in love.

Best Commercials of All-Time

5. "List of Demands": Nike
Listen I despise LaDianian Tomlinson but in this commercial he has some sweet lines. Kills it at the beginning and end of this commercial. The song is absolutely brilliant and makes me want to get up and run 10 miles right now, heck even 26.2. Such a motivating commercial. If you can't get hype to this commercial then that's weak.

Seinfeldism of the Day: Role Reversal

Sometimes you end up just taking on the characteristics of that person you see every day or some of your best friends. In this case, Jerry spends one night in Kramer's room with the bright red lights and he's changed. He bust in the door like Kramer, talks like Kramer and low and behold he even references the famous Bob Sakameno.

Absolutely Vicious

I mean I told you squirrels need to get more respect. It was discovered today that squirrels used to have ridiculously large teeth and could legit bit anything that came into their path. But wow, we drive around today thinking we can just run these animals over? I'll tell you right now you wouldn't be running them over if they had these chompers on them. They'd see you on the cell phone driving and they'd pop your tires with one bite and put you in your place. This type of squirrel lived 94 millions years ago and was chillin' with the T-Rex and those Stegosauruses. Yeah, it used to run the game back in the day before humans were even here. We better start respecting these creatures or they it can come back to bite us, literally.

Seinfeldism of the Day: Navigation Systems are Useful

I feel like this sometimes. Just out of my element, lost, helpless but I just turn to the iPhone and it never let's me down. Now when I'm homesick, I act just like this all the time. But you see how important little GPS things are?

Does Anybody Else Hate Presenting in Front of a Class?

Listen, I have no problem speaking to random people and all that. I want to do a radio show or something later on in life or something (probably of Sirius because it's censored) but I just hate giving presentations to classrooms of kids. I don't know what it is. It's my torture. It's my kryptonite. Literally I will stand up in the class, stutter like a 2 year old with a speech impediment  and become redder than a overcooked lobster. Then the beads of sweat run down the face and that's when you know it's over. The kids are staring at me with daggers in their eyes and I know they're judging me. Nobody feels bad for me, they're laughing inside, snickering saying to themselves "what a tool or his fly is open or his voice cracked" all of which I have gotten from people in my 20 years of life. I'm 20 and the voice still cracks, I don't understand it. So on Thursday I present in front of 25 kids and you know what, as far as I'm concerned they're all in their underwear. End of story. I dare someone to question me, I'll give them a nice wink and a cold hard fact. It'll be the presentation they'll never forget.

We Need to Pay Pilots More

I mean yet again another pilot just stays calm under pressure and saves 230 lives. This Polish airline, departed from Newark, NJ today November 1st and made an emergency landing in Poland without any landing gears. This is just like my man Sully, who landed the plane in the Hudson River and saved everyone's life. This is why I'm not afraid of flying. These men at the controls here know what's up. I mean this guy lands a plane that is multiple feet long and weighs tons and just brings it to a stop after going ridiculously fast in the air. Unreal. But LOT airlines? You guys may want to update or inspect your planes. I mean there's no way that they couldn't have known the landing gears were going to fail. That's just laziness. Not to mention I've never heard of LOT airlines. 

Is it Possible to not Look Like a Chick When Putting on Chap-stick?

It's that time of the season again where the air is getting cold and the wind whips and dries out the lips. Lips begin to get licked and before you know it, the lips are so chapped that it looks like you have another set of lips. But what happens when this event occurs while you are out and public. You wisely put chap-stick in your pant pocket and you need to put some on. But wait? Is it masculine and macho to put chap-stick on in public? I've struggled with this for years. I don't want people to think that I am putting on lipstick or what not. But I have found the solution. Guys, we got to stop the whole stick of chapping relief and carry around a little circular thing of it. It just requires the finger into the chap stick and then rubbing your lips. It can be done so subtly without people looking at you like you're weird for putting on lipstick.

This is the stuff right here, in the pocket all day, everyday in the winter.